Addictions according to attachment theory

The fact of attending to the needs of the children and giving them affection in their just measure does not make them "dependent" or "weaken" them, unlike what some may believe. On the contrary, you can protect them from addictions in the future.

3 amazing pedagogical theories

This is what the human condition needs according to Erich Fromm

Does childhood attachment style influence relationships?

The fundamental characteristic of a newborn mammal is its immaturity. We come to this world unfinished in many ways. The organs of the body, although they have good functioning in the newborn, have yet to develop and have to adapt to a different and changing environment.

In addition, the mammalian brain has many years ahead to continue to evolve. The most recent neuroimaging studies show that the human brain is not fully developed until well into the second decade of life.

By far the difference, the human being is the mammal that is born more immature and that takes more years to acquire autonomy, compared to other mammals. This immaturity makes us dependent beings.

We need sensitive and responsible caregivers to survive. Without them, we would die in a short time. Therefore, newborn and young children are very dependent on their attachment figures.

We can define attachment as a two-way and asymmetric effective bond that exists between the child and their primary caregivers. The following scheme can help us better visualize this idea.

The attachment bond is a type of vertical relationship, where the parent or primary caregiver would be at the top and the child at the bottom.

Parents (primary caregivers) are responsible for linking with their children to meet their needs. The only healthy and balanced way to resolve the state of dependence with which we are born is through the good treatment of our attachment figures.

If good treatment is not given (affection, protection, promotion of autonomy, emotional tuning, responsibility, unconditional acceptance, limits, etc.), it will not be possible to overcome dependence and achieve the desired autonomy.

Often, you hear the phrase "don't give your child everything because you're going to make him dependent." With her, it seems that we forgot a few questions:

We are all born dependent on our caregivers.

It is possible to gain autonomy through good treatment (these would become a vehicle).

Parents must cover and attend to the different needs presented by the children.

A child does not become "independent" just because he is denied basic issues such as affection, attention, protection, etc. Denying a child these issues may harm him in the long run, and make him more likely to be dependent in the future.

Giving a child what he needs is not the same as granting all whims. Therefore, we must know how to recognize and meet their needs accordingly.

The needs in childhood

Imagine for a moment that, at birth, children come with a folio with blank boxes. These should be filled in by their attachment figures. Each time children have an emotional need, if the caregiver is able to tune into it and cover it (responsibility), then they can fill in a box. Otherwise, you must leave it blank.

Throughout the day, many opportunities will be presented to understand your needs (emotional tuning) and cover them (responsibility). Therefore, the boxes are not filled in at first, with a single gesture, but are filled in progressively, at different times.

With this idea in mind, it could be said that people who have a secure attachment have a folio with many filled boxes, while people who have an insecure attachment have a folio with many empty boxes.

It is necessary that every human being has a minimum of full squares in order to survive and have some mental balance. But what happens if a person has a very empty grid? Well, the chances of falling into addiction are greater than if the grid is sufficiently filled.

Empty boxes and addictions

There are numerous addictions: alcohol, drugs, sex, work, food, electronic devices, mobiles, video games, shopping, etc. And, of course, here we also talk about dependency relationships, which would be something like being addicted to a person.

Isn't addiction the manifestation that the vertical and initial relationship with our attachment figures has not been overcome?

Addiction tells us that we still need an external element to achieve balance, satisfaction, and homeostasis. Let's continue to delve into the ideal folio with boxes.

When the person does not have sufficient autonomy and capacity for self-government, he needs external elements or people that momentarily cover those boxes and make him feel good. Once the addictive behavior in question has been executed, the person will feel well and in balance, but when the effect is passed, the box will empty again.

When the boxes have been filled in by caregivers during childhood, they will remain full for the rest of their life.

However, when they reach adulthood empty and try to be filled by the adult with addictive behavior, they will not be filled definitively, but momentarily. Hence the great importance of filling in the boxes of our children when they are young. If we meet your needs we will be launching a powerful protective factor for the future.

Hungarian psychologist Michael Balint coined the term "claim loop" to define the persistent behavior of seeking out one's own shortcomings. For example, there are adults who "ask" for drugs that give them that calm and tranquility that they cannot give themselves.

conclusion

When a person is not able to self-regulate, it is because their caregivers did not provide what they needed to become an autonomous human being, with their respective abilities and skills. His boxes were not filled in the sheet and now he is lost, with a blank sheet (or with very few boxes filled), not knowing what to do to fill it out on his own.

The folio with the boxes allows us to understand the importance of attending to the needs of the children, how addictions can arise and what is their relationship with dependence and attachment theory