Triangulation in systemic therapy

Triangulation in systemic therapy

What is triangulation? How does it help to maintain a conflict? In this article, we will try to answer these and other questions.

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As social beings that we are, our interpersonal relationships have an important weight on our well-being. However, we don't always take care of them, so, without realizing it, we fall into harmful relationship dynamics. Today we will talk about one of the most common: triangulation.

This is framed within the explanatory proposals of systemic therapy. It is a therapeutic discipline that puts the focus of attention, not on the subject, but on the systems of which it is a part. Thus, disorders and diseases are addressed as the result of an alteration in the interactions of the members of the system.

An inappropriate relational style has consequences that often end up manifesting in the symptom of one of its members. The solution will then be to unmask the dysfunctional communication pattern to whom the disease serves as a mask.

Although this therapy is mainly used in family conflicts, its principles serve any other type of human system.

Triangulation in systemic therapy

Triangulation is one of these dysfunctional dynamics that is often generated in many of the systems. It occurs when two of the members are in conflict, either manifestly or covertly.

However, instead of facing and solving their difficulties, they include a third party in order to overshadow their problems or divert their attention.

This is clearly seen within families, in which parents are in conflict and introduce the child into the equation for various purposes:

Try to establish an alliance with the child against the other parent. When this occurs, the child faces a strong conflict of loyalties, being able to be immobilized for fear of rejection by the non-allied father.

Mask their conflicts by focusing all attention on the problem behavior of the child. In this situation, both parents form a front against a child labeled "bad," which they consider to be the source of all problems. After that illusory harmony, the reality is that the child's bad behavior is only there to serve as an escape valve for marital problems.

Divert attention from your difficulties because of the need to focus on a "sick" child. Both join in the concern for their offspring, becoming overprotective. On the other hand, the child will only be exerting a psychosomatic expression of the tension (and now undercover) between the parents.

Triangles in everyday life

However, not every existence of a triangle is a sign of a sick or pathological system. Social relationships are complex and changing. Triangulation appears frequently at certain times when it fulfills the mission of alleviating tension. However, if it is maintained over time or repeated becoming a pattern, it can deteriorate the relationships, affecting the entire system.

For example, a friend is angry with another for not having invited him to dinner. Instead of communicating his discontent with the others involved, he decides to introduce a third friend with whom he tries to establish an alliance. Thus, he tells him how hurt he is and how unfair it is, but asks him not to comment on the first.

In this way, an invisible alliance is formed that, far from solving the conflict, perpetuates and aggravates it. In addition to placing the third party in discord in an awkward position, as this will generally try to meditate, but without explaining that it is the other who has told the situation. In short, an insane and undercover relationship pattern will be generated that will only be diverting attention from the original conflict.

Therefore, whether we have children or when it comes to interacting with other adults in our systems, let's avoid triangulation. Let us have the assertiveness and humility to resolve situations directly with those involved, without introducing a third party directly or indirectly. Similarly, if someone tries to include us in their own triangle, let's stay out of the way. Generating hidden alliances or focusing attention on a third party to avoid conflict does not resolve situations.